Buying a House in 2021? It Can Be an Emotional Experience

Appfolio Websites • January 18, 2021

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A mental health expert offers tips on coping with the stress of buying a home in today’s intensely competitive market.


Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Even in an ideal scenario — a buyers market with plenty of affordable houses to choose from and scant competition — it’s not something to take lightly. And today’s buyers are not living that ideal: Prices are rising quickly, inventory is at an all-time low, and competition for the few homes available often leads to bidding wars (fortunately, there are some effective ways to prepare for that) — all of which can create anxiety and stress. 

While record-low mortgage rates make purchasing a home an enticing opportunity, and having your own place — maybe with a garden and a puppy (well-behaved, of course!) — may sound like a dream, many others are dreaming the same dream. 

To top it off, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought plenty of its own emotional baggage and logistical challenges. 

As Mark Stayton discovered, working in the real estate industry doesn’t provide any shortcuts. A public relations specialist at Zillow, Mark and his wife have been trying to buy a home in the red-hot Seattle market for just over a year now. Through countless tours and nine losing bids, they’ve ridden the emotional highs of falling in love with the “perfect” home, endured the turbulence of bidding wars and felt the crushing lows of being blown out by an all-cash buyer — occasionally all three with the same house!

To better understand how to prepare emotionally for what can be a marathon search, Mark spoke with Christina Koepp, a licensed mental health counselor at Wellspring Family Services, and asked her to weigh in on what home shoppers can do to cope with this pressure-cooker of stress. While not intended as medical advice, Christina offers some general tips to help prepare for the emotional journey of finding and buying a home. 


What makes buying a home such a stressful experience?

Christina Koepp: There is almost no area of our lives that is left untouched by such a monumental decision. Considering where to live and buying a home taps into all parts of our mind: our basic need for shelter, our attachment needs for a safe place to connect with ourselves and others, and the existential question of how our lives will look in this new place and community. In order to take the risk and make an offer on a home, we need to be willing to attach to a new place to live, and — simultaneously — hold it loosely enough that it won’t be devastating to lose the bid. It’s a narrow path of guarded optimism.


How is the current health crisis adding to these stresses?

CK: We know that most people are more stressed and anxious right now at a baseline. There has been tremendous and continued disruption to many lives, making it more likely that people will crave consistency and predictability where they have the ability to create it. 

Very little is predictable when it comes to buying a home — you can be outbid, you may have disagreements with your home-buying partner, etc. If you’re already more anxious, more stressed, or experiencing disrupted sleep or low mood as a result of the pandemic, then a big decision like this will be compounded by these existing challenges.


In this competitive market, buyers may lose out on one or more homes before their offer is selected. How can people mentally prepare for a competitive bidding process?

CK: There is a balancing act of being vulnerable enough to imagine your life in this potential new place, creating new memories and experiences within those walls and neighborhood — which takes risk — and balancing that with the very healthy protective impulse of avoiding attaching too fully and too quickly until it’s assured. 

For folks who tend to avoid the vulnerability piece, it makes home-buying hard, because our emotional response to each home is, in fact, an important part of any decision-making process. On the other hand, if you “fall in love” with every home you see, there leaves little room for discerning which is the best fit, and you can quickly become emotionally fatigued with each lost bid or opportunity.

Here are some tips:

Identify your hopes, preferences and design dreams in general terms. As you consider each new home, ask yourself, “How will I feel if I don’t get this home?” If you find yourself feeling concerned over the loss, talk to someone (especially the person who you may be buying with) about how excited you are about the elements of the home. Notice if you’re veering into, “Only this home has this unique element!” Sticking with your general preferences — updated home, architecture style, neighborhood, etc. — can help remind you that there is more than one home where you can find joy and contentment.

Identify your non-negotiables as clearly as possible. The flip side to being as general as possible with your wants is being as clear as possible with your deal-breakers. Know before you look if you’re really only open to a condo with three or more bedrooms, or a house with a garage. It’s easy to be swept up in a home that may have some dream elements to it even though it has deal-breaker issues. If you find yourself in that position, offer yourself the grace that this won’t always be a tidy and neat process — you get to be human in the midst of it.


Do you have any strategies or tips buyers can use to move on from an unsuccessful offer?

CK:  Pause to reflect, then let it go. It can be deeply disappointing to lose an opportunity that you felt invested in. Honor that by taking a few hours or even a couple days to acknowledge that experience, and know it will fade. Note what was so disappointing — did it appear to have everything you wanted? Finding an opportunity to feel gratitude will counter the propensity to dwell solely on what was lost. Also helpful is considering if it really did have everything you wanted, or — more likely — most of what you wanted.

Learn from each loss. In my experience, each bid process is unique and comes with its own challenges and insights. Again, note what you were surprised by and integrate it into your process for future bids.



What general advice would you give to someone in the midst of buying a home right now?

CK:  Prepare for a marathon, even if it’s just a sprint. You will not know how long it will take to have an offer accepted. It could be a couple homes you offer on, it could be 12. Having our expectations be flexible and expansive sets us up for less disappointment.

Extend kindness to yourself. It may sound simple, but this is challenging for many. It can be easy to doubt your judgment, become angry with your home-buying partner, or get obsessed with searching. All these responses are understandable! (Remember earlier when we acknowledged how important this decision is?) Being kind means finding ways to rest, recharge and integrate each step along the way. This could be taking a short break from scrolling through listings to recenter yourself, preparing a comforting meal after a lost opportunity, or being intentional about getting to bed earlier, if you can.

Talk about it. For many people, it’s helpful to say out loud what’s rolling around in their mind. Some prefer to journal. Whatever works best for you, try to share the challenges, insights, dreams and goals that you’re noticing. Remember that you’re looking for a home during an extraordinary time, so be mindful of the extra effort that may involve. The more we’re aware of our rising tide of stress, the more likely we are to tap into our strategies to manage that stress. Reach out often to loved ones to keep your awareness, energy, and perspective in line with your goals and hopes. 

Remember, these tips are intended as general advice. If you have specific concerns, are struggling or need help, contact a licensed mental health professional. 

If you’re ready to take the next step in your home-buying journey, you can find information and reviews for local Zillow Premier Agents who can walk you through the buying process and help you find the right home. You can also learn more about financing options and get a better understanding of your total monthly expenses from the experts at Zillow Home Loans. 


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Your Car Payment May Be Costing You More House than You Think

By The Lighter Side of Real Estate • June 30, 2026
If you’ve ever bought a home before, you’re probably familiar with the advice that agents give their clients: don’t make any big purchases while you’re in the middle of house hunting. “Big purchases” can mean a lot of things—opening new lines of credit, splurging on furniture, committing to a pricey vacation, or upgrading appliances. And, of course, the one agents mention the most…a new car. Even with that warning, it’s easy to see how some buyers slip. Life happens. Sometimes it’s a planned purchase, sometimes it’s impulsive, and sometimes it’s just unavoidable. A new car can sneak into the budget without realizing its ripple effects. Yet these decisions can dramatically impact how much home a buyer can afford, or even whether they qualify for a mortgage at all. Cars aren’t exactly optional for most people. You can’t always time a broken-down engine or a growing family’s need for extra space to line up with your home buying schedule. And some buyers may have purchased a vehicle months before they even began house hunting, not fully aware of the impact it could have on their homebuying power. But to the degree that it is in your control, understanding the numbers can make a huge difference when planning for a mortgage. How Much Can a Car Payment Cost You? Maybe Over $100,000. Defining exactly how much a car payment will impact a buyer’s home affordability isn’t something you can do in a vacuum. It depends on income, other debts, interest rates, and a host of personal financial factors. That said, looking at a few different analyses can give a clear sense of just how significant even a moderate auto loan can be. According to Mortgage Research Network , each additional $100 in monthly car payment can reduce a buyer’s home-buying power by roughly $14,000. For example, a $600 car payment could potentially lower the maximum home price by more than $80,000. A similar analysis from Refi.com finds that every $100 in car payment reduces mortgage-qualifying potential by about $15,400. At that rate, a $600 monthly payment could shrink a buyer’s mortgage-eligible price by nearly $90,000, depending on other debts and financial circumstances. And last, but certainly not least… Realtor.com suggested that a $430 car payment could reduce a borrower’s mortgage borrowing power by as much as $100,000 in certain situations. To put this in context, the average monthly car payment in the U.S. for a new vehicle is around $700, while the average for a used car sits closer to $500. And that’s just one vehicle—many households carry payments on multiple cars. When you start stacking those payments, it quickly becomes clear that the vehicles in your driveway can have a surprisingly large impact on the home that driveway leads to. Buy the Car You Need—but Know the Home It Costs You Seeing how much even a single car payment can reduce homebuying power makes it all the more obvious how critical it is to think carefully about buying a car not only during the home buying process, but also before you even start house hunting. For most buyers, it’s not about forgoing a necessary vehicle, but about making choices that preserve as much buying power as possible. That could mean opting for a used car purchased with cash, choosing a lower-cost vehicle, or delaying a second car until after closing. For others, living in a walkable neighborhood or one with good public transit can reduce the need for multiple vehicles altogether. Even small adjustments—like refinancing an existing auto loan or paying down debt before applying for a mortgage—can add tens of thousands of dollars to what a buyer could afford. Every decision around transportation affects the home you can realistically buy. With that perspective, you can make informed choices that balance your daily needs with long-term goals, helping ensure that your car payments don’t shrink your home-buying budget any more than necessary. It can also be helpful to connect with a local real estate agent and a mortgage professional early on—even if you’re not quite ready to buy. They can provide guidance specific to your situation, run the numbers for your income, debts, and potential car payments, and help you make informed decisions before taking on any new financial obligations. The Takeaway: Car payments can significantly reduce how much home a buyer can afford. Even a modest auto loan can translate into tens of thousands of dollars in lost purchasing power—and households with two or more car payments feel that impact even more. The more you understand how these costs interact with mortgage approval, the more control you have over your homebuying options. Whether that means choosing a lower-cost vehicle, waiting on a purchase, refinancing an existing loan, or exploring walkable, transit-friendly neighborhoods, small decisions can have big ripple effects. If you’re thinking about buying a home in the near future, looping in a local agent and a mortgage pro early can help you map out the smartest path forward.

What Rising Inflation Means for Your Move

By KCM • June 26, 2026
What Rising Inflation Means for Your Move Data shows inflation is moving in the wrong direction. But before the headlines send anyone into a panic, here's what's actually going on, why it matters for the housing market, and what it means if you're thinking about buying or selling. Inflation Went Up – Here’s What That Actually Means The government tracks inflation in a variety of ways. One is something called PCE – the Personal Consumption Expenditures Price Index. It measures how much more (or less) people are paying for goods and services compared to a year ago. And just based on your own expenses, you can probably guess which way that’s trending. That’s the one everyone is talking about right now. Check out the yellow line to see how that’s spiked since February (see graph below). A big driver of this jump is the ongoing conflict in the Middle East, which has pushed gas and energy prices significantly higher. Now, you may have noticed there’s a second line. The blue line shows core PCE. That’s the same measure, but with gas and energy prices stripped out. The Federal Reserve (the Fed) actually watches this number most closely because energy prices swing around a lot and can be misleading. And here’s the somewhat encouraging part. Core PCE is rising, but not nearly as fast as the overall number. That suggests a good chunk of the inflation spike we’re seeing right now is tied directly to what’s happening overseas. So, when that situation settles down, inflation may settle a bit, too. Why This Matters for Mortgage Rates Here's the housing connection. When inflation is high, the Fed tends to keep the Federal Funds Rate elevated or even raise it to try to taper spending and cool inflation back down. And while it's not a one-for-one relationship, that Federal Funds Rate can have an impact on your mortgage rate when you buy. Right now, based on the information we have, there's roughly a 50/50 chance the Fed actually raises the Federal Funds Rate before the end of 2026, according to CME FedWatch (see graph below): While it’s too soon to say where this goes for certain and if we’re headed for a rate hike, it does mean mortgage rates are probably not coming down as soon as most people were hoping. If you've been waiting for rates to drop significantly before making a move, this report is a reminder that "higher for longer" is still very much on the table. It really all depends on where the economy goes from here. According to Bankrate: “Oil prices and bond yields have dropped a bit . . . but they're still way up compared to the start of spring. Until there’s a resolution to the war, look for both inflation and mortgage rates to stay high. ” But This Is Not 2008 – Not Even Close Just remember, a tough economy does not equal a housing crash. The conditions today are very different from what led to the 2008 collapse. Here's why: Inventory is still relatively low. There's no flood of homes hitting the market. Most homeowners today have strong equity in their homes. Lending standards are far stricter than they were before 2008. Today's challenge is affordability, not a wave of distressed underwater sellers. Uncomfortable and unhealthy are not the same thing. The market feels hard right now, but "hard" and "crashing" are very different. You Still Have Options. Here’s What To Do. High rates don't mean homeownership is out of reach. It just means the path looks a little different. There are real strategies that can help, depending on your situation: Ask your lender about different loan options. Adjustable-rate mortgages (ARMs) or rate buydowns may help lower your monthly payment in the short term. Explore first-time buyer programs, down payment assistance, or seller concessions that could help offset costs. Stay in close touch with a trusted agent and lender. When rates shift, and they will, you’ll want to be ready to move fast. The right strategy, tailored to your goals, matters a lot more than waiting for the perfect moment that may never come. Bottom Line Inflation is still above where the Fed wants it, and that means mortgage rates are likely to stay elevated for a while. But for people who need to move, strategy matters far more than trying to perfectly time the market. Wondering what this means for your specific situation? Reach out today. Let's cut through the noise together and make a plan that actually works for you.

The Mid-Year Housing Market Update: Why Forecasts Changed in 2026

By KCM • June 25, 2026
The Mid-Year Housing Market Update: Why Forecasts Changed in 2026 If the housing market feels confusing right now, you’re not alone. Mortgage rates have risen. Home sales haven't picked up like expected. And many buyers and sellers are wondering when things are going to feel easier or be more affordable . The truth is: a lot changed over the first half of this year. Back at the end of 2025, economists were forecasting a much stronger housing market for 2026. They expected mortgage rates to come down, affordability to improve more dramatically, and home sales to rebound. But lingering inflation, economic uncertainty, and growing geopolitical tensions overseas pushed mortgage rates higher than expected. And because rates stayed elevated for longer, many buyers continued to hold off. That’s why experts recently revised their housing forecasts for the rest of the year (see graph below): So, what does this actually mean for you? Let’s break it down. Mortgage Rates May Remain Elevated While just about everyone wants mortgage rates to go back to the uppers 5s or low 6s we saw at the start of the year, as of right now, the experts don’t think that’s likely to happen this year. Instead, forecasts have been updated from the low 6s they originally projected. Many industry organizations are saying rates will stay in roughly the mid 6s this year. The good news is, that’s still lower than rates were a year ago . Of course, this is based on what we know today. If the conflict overseas comes to an end or inflation drops, this could change. But if you’re waiting for lower rates, it may not pay off in the way you expect. Existing Home Sales Revised Lower Back in late 2025, experts expected we’d sell an average of 4.5 million homes this year. Now? That’s dropped down a bit to 4.2 million. That tells us something important: buyers are still hesitant because affordability remains challenging. Higher mortgage rates have made monthly payments harder to manage, especially for first-time buyers. And that’s slowed the pace of the market compared to what was originally expected. But even though the forecast was revised down, we’re still expected to sell more homes than last year. Once geopolitical tensions resolve and rates begin to settle down, many experts believe that group of buyers will be ready to jump back in. As Lawrence Yun, Chief Economist at NAR, explains: “There is sizable pent-up demand that could be released into the market.” There has already been a few glimmers of renewed hope lately. In recent months, pending homes sale have been improving month-over-month despite higher rates. So, if you’re able to afford a home at today’s rates, it could still make sense to buy now. Because otherwise, if you wait, you’ll have more competition (and potentially fewer homes to choose from) when those others buyers jump back in. New Home Sales Also Slowed Builders also expected to have a stronger year. Earlier forecasts projected new home sales would top 700k in 2026. Now, economists expect we'll be just shy of that number . Again, mortgage rates are a major reason why. But the upside for buyers is that builders may be even more motivated to sell. That means builder incentives , negotiation opportunities, and pricing flexibility may continue in many markets. So, if you live somewhere where there’s more new construction, this may actually be a bright spot for you. Builders could be more ready to negotiate, and that gives you more leverage to get a better deal. Home Prices Are Still Expected To Rise This is one of the most important takeaways from the entire forecast. Even though sales activity is slower, on average, experts did not revise their home price forecast downward. They still expect prices to rise nationally this year. Why? Because while buyer demand has softened, the number of homes for sale is still relatively limited overall. That imbalance is helping support prices, even in a slower market. Of course, conditions vary depending on where you live. Some markets are cooling more than others. But nationally, experts are still projecting steady price growth — not a major decline. And that should be a comfort whether you’re buying or selling. Because sellers don’t want a major drop in prices. And while buyers may think they do, generally you feel better about a big purchase when it doesn’t depreciate right away. Bottom Line The housing market hasn’t rebounded as quickly as experts originally hoped. But that doesn’t mean it’s stalled. Higher inflation and lingering economic uncertainty caused economists to revise their forecasts for this year. But importantly, when those two things settle down, many experts believe the market will regain its momentum. So don’t see this revision in forecasts as a sign of trouble. See it as a temporary reaction to overall conditions and uncertainty. If you want to know what’s happening in our local market, and what it could mean for your plans for the rest of this year, let’s connect.
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