Buying a House in 2021? It Can Be an Emotional Experience

Appfolio Websites • January 18, 2021

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A mental health expert offers tips on coping with the stress of buying a home in today’s intensely competitive market.


Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Even in an ideal scenario — a buyers market with plenty of affordable houses to choose from and scant competition — it’s not something to take lightly. And today’s buyers are not living that ideal: Prices are rising quickly, inventory is at an all-time low, and competition for the few homes available often leads to bidding wars (fortunately, there are some effective ways to prepare for that) — all of which can create anxiety and stress. 

While record-low mortgage rates make purchasing a home an enticing opportunity, and having your own place — maybe with a garden and a puppy (well-behaved, of course!) — may sound like a dream, many others are dreaming the same dream. 

To top it off, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought plenty of its own emotional baggage and logistical challenges. 

As Mark Stayton discovered, working in the real estate industry doesn’t provide any shortcuts. A public relations specialist at Zillow, Mark and his wife have been trying to buy a home in the red-hot Seattle market for just over a year now. Through countless tours and nine losing bids, they’ve ridden the emotional highs of falling in love with the “perfect” home, endured the turbulence of bidding wars and felt the crushing lows of being blown out by an all-cash buyer — occasionally all three with the same house!

To better understand how to prepare emotionally for what can be a marathon search, Mark spoke with Christina Koepp, a licensed mental health counselor at Wellspring Family Services, and asked her to weigh in on what home shoppers can do to cope with this pressure-cooker of stress. While not intended as medical advice, Christina offers some general tips to help prepare for the emotional journey of finding and buying a home. 


What makes buying a home such a stressful experience?

Christina Koepp: There is almost no area of our lives that is left untouched by such a monumental decision. Considering where to live and buying a home taps into all parts of our mind: our basic need for shelter, our attachment needs for a safe place to connect with ourselves and others, and the existential question of how our lives will look in this new place and community. In order to take the risk and make an offer on a home, we need to be willing to attach to a new place to live, and — simultaneously — hold it loosely enough that it won’t be devastating to lose the bid. It’s a narrow path of guarded optimism.


How is the current health crisis adding to these stresses?

CK: We know that most people are more stressed and anxious right now at a baseline. There has been tremendous and continued disruption to many lives, making it more likely that people will crave consistency and predictability where they have the ability to create it. 

Very little is predictable when it comes to buying a home — you can be outbid, you may have disagreements with your home-buying partner, etc. If you’re already more anxious, more stressed, or experiencing disrupted sleep or low mood as a result of the pandemic, then a big decision like this will be compounded by these existing challenges.


In this competitive market, buyers may lose out on one or more homes before their offer is selected. How can people mentally prepare for a competitive bidding process?

CK: There is a balancing act of being vulnerable enough to imagine your life in this potential new place, creating new memories and experiences within those walls and neighborhood — which takes risk — and balancing that with the very healthy protective impulse of avoiding attaching too fully and too quickly until it’s assured. 

For folks who tend to avoid the vulnerability piece, it makes home-buying hard, because our emotional response to each home is, in fact, an important part of any decision-making process. On the other hand, if you “fall in love” with every home you see, there leaves little room for discerning which is the best fit, and you can quickly become emotionally fatigued with each lost bid or opportunity.

Here are some tips:

Identify your hopes, preferences and design dreams in general terms. As you consider each new home, ask yourself, “How will I feel if I don’t get this home?” If you find yourself feeling concerned over the loss, talk to someone (especially the person who you may be buying with) about how excited you are about the elements of the home. Notice if you’re veering into, “Only this home has this unique element!” Sticking with your general preferences — updated home, architecture style, neighborhood, etc. — can help remind you that there is more than one home where you can find joy and contentment.

Identify your non-negotiables as clearly as possible. The flip side to being as general as possible with your wants is being as clear as possible with your deal-breakers. Know before you look if you’re really only open to a condo with three or more bedrooms, or a house with a garage. It’s easy to be swept up in a home that may have some dream elements to it even though it has deal-breaker issues. If you find yourself in that position, offer yourself the grace that this won’t always be a tidy and neat process — you get to be human in the midst of it.


Do you have any strategies or tips buyers can use to move on from an unsuccessful offer?

CK:  Pause to reflect, then let it go. It can be deeply disappointing to lose an opportunity that you felt invested in. Honor that by taking a few hours or even a couple days to acknowledge that experience, and know it will fade. Note what was so disappointing — did it appear to have everything you wanted? Finding an opportunity to feel gratitude will counter the propensity to dwell solely on what was lost. Also helpful is considering if it really did have everything you wanted, or — more likely — most of what you wanted.

Learn from each loss. In my experience, each bid process is unique and comes with its own challenges and insights. Again, note what you were surprised by and integrate it into your process for future bids.



What general advice would you give to someone in the midst of buying a home right now?

CK:  Prepare for a marathon, even if it’s just a sprint. You will not know how long it will take to have an offer accepted. It could be a couple homes you offer on, it could be 12. Having our expectations be flexible and expansive sets us up for less disappointment.

Extend kindness to yourself. It may sound simple, but this is challenging for many. It can be easy to doubt your judgment, become angry with your home-buying partner, or get obsessed with searching. All these responses are understandable! (Remember earlier when we acknowledged how important this decision is?) Being kind means finding ways to rest, recharge and integrate each step along the way. This could be taking a short break from scrolling through listings to recenter yourself, preparing a comforting meal after a lost opportunity, or being intentional about getting to bed earlier, if you can.

Talk about it. For many people, it’s helpful to say out loud what’s rolling around in their mind. Some prefer to journal. Whatever works best for you, try to share the challenges, insights, dreams and goals that you’re noticing. Remember that you’re looking for a home during an extraordinary time, so be mindful of the extra effort that may involve. The more we’re aware of our rising tide of stress, the more likely we are to tap into our strategies to manage that stress. Reach out often to loved ones to keep your awareness, energy, and perspective in line with your goals and hopes. 

Remember, these tips are intended as general advice. If you have specific concerns, are struggling or need help, contact a licensed mental health professional. 

If you’re ready to take the next step in your home-buying journey, you can find information and reviews for local Zillow Premier Agents who can walk you through the buying process and help you find the right home. You can also learn more about financing options and get a better understanding of your total monthly expenses from the experts at Zillow Home Loans. 


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Don’t Let Home Prices Headlines Fool You

By KCM • April 27, 2026
Don’t Let Home Prices Headlines Fool You Spend about 5 minutes online searching for news about the housing market, and odds are you’ll see something pop up about home prices . You may even stumble onto social media influencers saying we’re headed for a crash. Let’s get you the context you need. The truth is prices are going to vary depending on where you live. But they're not crashing. Here’s what you need to know. The Local Perspective: Home Price Trends by Area The biggest thing feeding into the confusion online is how different home price trends are by area right now. Take a look at this data from ResiClub and Zillow (see graph below). About half of the largest metros are seeing prices go up. The other half are seeing some declines. Unfortunately, the online chatter only focuses on the markets where prices are down – and that makes it sound like something bigger is happening. But, as you can see in this graph, that’s only one side of the story. The full picture is different. The National Perspective: Moderate Price Growth As a country, when you average it all together to get a true baseline, one thing becomes clear, home prices are still net positive at the national level. According to the Redfin, national home prices were up about 1% year-over-year in February. So, what we’re seeing right now isn’t a collapse. It’s a market that’s normalizing after a period of unusually fast growth. And that impacts some local markets more than others – particularly those where prices rose too far, too fast during the pandemic. A true crash, like what happened in 2008, would mean prices dropping sharply across the entire country. That’s just not what the data shows today. And it’s not where things are going either. Experts Agree This Isn’t 2008 In fact, Fannie Mae surveyed over 100 housing market experts to ask their opinions on where prices are headed from here. And the experts agree, nationally, prices are expected to keep rising over the next five years : That rise will be moderate, particularly this year, but the trend is clear. Nationally, prices are forecast to grow every year now through at least 2030 – and that’s normal. Daryl Fairweather, Chief Economist, at Redfin explains: “ House prices aren’t going to fall on a national scale any time soon—and that’s actually a good thing. It’s normal for house prices to rise gradually over time . . .” That's why even in the select areas where prices have dropped slightly this year, the decline is expected to be temporary. According to that same quarterly Fannie Mae survey mentioned above, 85% of the experts say the markets that are seeing mild declines right now will return to positive price growth before the end of 2027. The main takeaway? This isn’t a crash. And prices aren’t expected to fall nationally. If anything, the few areas experiencing declines are expected to rebound in the next year or so. Bottom Line It’s easy to get caught up in headlines that make it sound like something big is about to happen. But don’t be fooled. The housing market isn’t crashing. It’s just shifting. The key is understanding what’s actually happening in your market, so you can make the right move for you. Let’s connect if you want the local perspective.

This’ll Change What You Think About Investors in Today’s Housing Market

By KCM • April 26, 2026
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Your House Hasn’t Sold Yet. Should You Rent It Out Instead?

By KCM • April 25, 2026
Your House Hasn’t Sold Yet. Should You Rent It Out Instead? When your house sits on the market longer than expected, it can get frustrating fast. You start asking: what now? And for a growing number of homeowners, that turns into: should I just rent it instead? While it sounds like a simple backup plan, becoming “ accidental landlord ” is actually a much bigger decision than most people realize. That’s when someone planned to sell, didn’t get the price or traction they hoped for, and decided to rent the house out instead. And lately, that's happening more often. Why the Number of Accidental Landlords Is Rising If you’re faced with the same choice to rent or to sell, here’s what you need to know. First, you’re not alone. And that should actually be some comfort. According to Zillow about 2.3% of homes available for rent were previously listed for sale. That may not sound like a lot, but it’s actually the highest share in almost 6 years. Before you go that route yourself, it’s worth slowing down and looking at the full picture. Ask yourself these 3 questions first. 1. Would Your House Actually Work as a Rental? What’s right for your situation is going to depend on your location, your home’s condition, and what the rental market looks like in your area. Think about: If you’re moving away, do you have a plan for how you’ll handle ongoing maintenance and repairs from afar? Does your house need repairs before it’s rental-ready? And do you have the time, energy, and the funds for that? What's the market like in your area? Are there a lot of rental vacancies? What monthly rent could you realistically expect? As C&C Property Management explains: “At the heart of any rental market is the balance between supply and demand. When more tenants are looking for housing than there are available units, rental prices rise. On the other hand, if new construction adds hundreds of apartments or homes to a neighborhood, prices can soften as tenants have more choices.” If your home would struggle to stand out or command the rent you need, that’s something to take seriously. Just because you can rent it doesn’t mean it’s the best option for you. 2. Are You Ready To Be a Landlord? This is the part people don’t always think about upfront. On paper, renting sounds like easy passive income. But in reality, it’s a hands-on responsibility. Imagine: Taking midnight calls about clogged toilets or broken air conditioners Chasing down missed rent payments Covering unexpected repairs Fixing damage between tenants And those costs can hit when you least expect them. 3. Have You Run the Real Numbers? There’s also the financial side of things. For starters, renting out your house comes with extra expenses. Here are a few of the biggest according to Bankrate: Higher insurance premiums (landlord insurance typically costs about 25% more) Management fees (if you use a property manager, they typically charge around 10% of the rent) Routine maintenance and services Advertising fees to find tenants Gaps between tenants, where you cover the mortgage without rental income coming in For some people, that’s totally manageable. For others, it’s more than they want to take on. Your Next Step: A Conversation with Your Agent Before you make any decision, talk to your current agent about overhauling your sales strategy first. Sometimes it’s not that buyers aren’t out there. It’s that something about the pricing, presentation, or marketing isn’t quite lining up with what they’re looking for. And a few small adjustments can make a big difference. Because while renting can be a great choice for the right person with the right house, if you’re only considering it because your listing didn’t get traction, there may be a better solution. Bottom Line If you're torn between selling and renting, make sure to carefully weigh the pros and cons first. For some homeowners, the hassle (and the expense) of renting may not be worth it.
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