Buying a House in 2021? It Can Be an Emotional Experience

Appfolio Websites • January 18, 2021

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A mental health expert offers tips on coping with the stress of buying a home in today’s intensely competitive market.


Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Even in an ideal scenario — a buyers market with plenty of affordable houses to choose from and scant competition — it’s not something to take lightly. And today’s buyers are not living that ideal: Prices are rising quickly, inventory is at an all-time low, and competition for the few homes available often leads to bidding wars (fortunately, there are some effective ways to prepare for that) — all of which can create anxiety and stress. 

While record-low mortgage rates make purchasing a home an enticing opportunity, and having your own place — maybe with a garden and a puppy (well-behaved, of course!) — may sound like a dream, many others are dreaming the same dream. 

To top it off, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought plenty of its own emotional baggage and logistical challenges. 

As Mark Stayton discovered, working in the real estate industry doesn’t provide any shortcuts. A public relations specialist at Zillow, Mark and his wife have been trying to buy a home in the red-hot Seattle market for just over a year now. Through countless tours and nine losing bids, they’ve ridden the emotional highs of falling in love with the “perfect” home, endured the turbulence of bidding wars and felt the crushing lows of being blown out by an all-cash buyer — occasionally all three with the same house!

To better understand how to prepare emotionally for what can be a marathon search, Mark spoke with Christina Koepp, a licensed mental health counselor at Wellspring Family Services, and asked her to weigh in on what home shoppers can do to cope with this pressure-cooker of stress. While not intended as medical advice, Christina offers some general tips to help prepare for the emotional journey of finding and buying a home. 


What makes buying a home such a stressful experience?

Christina Koepp: There is almost no area of our lives that is left untouched by such a monumental decision. Considering where to live and buying a home taps into all parts of our mind: our basic need for shelter, our attachment needs for a safe place to connect with ourselves and others, and the existential question of how our lives will look in this new place and community. In order to take the risk and make an offer on a home, we need to be willing to attach to a new place to live, and — simultaneously — hold it loosely enough that it won’t be devastating to lose the bid. It’s a narrow path of guarded optimism.


How is the current health crisis adding to these stresses?

CK: We know that most people are more stressed and anxious right now at a baseline. There has been tremendous and continued disruption to many lives, making it more likely that people will crave consistency and predictability where they have the ability to create it. 

Very little is predictable when it comes to buying a home — you can be outbid, you may have disagreements with your home-buying partner, etc. If you’re already more anxious, more stressed, or experiencing disrupted sleep or low mood as a result of the pandemic, then a big decision like this will be compounded by these existing challenges.


In this competitive market, buyers may lose out on one or more homes before their offer is selected. How can people mentally prepare for a competitive bidding process?

CK: There is a balancing act of being vulnerable enough to imagine your life in this potential new place, creating new memories and experiences within those walls and neighborhood — which takes risk — and balancing that with the very healthy protective impulse of avoiding attaching too fully and too quickly until it’s assured. 

For folks who tend to avoid the vulnerability piece, it makes home-buying hard, because our emotional response to each home is, in fact, an important part of any decision-making process. On the other hand, if you “fall in love” with every home you see, there leaves little room for discerning which is the best fit, and you can quickly become emotionally fatigued with each lost bid or opportunity.

Here are some tips:

Identify your hopes, preferences and design dreams in general terms. As you consider each new home, ask yourself, “How will I feel if I don’t get this home?” If you find yourself feeling concerned over the loss, talk to someone (especially the person who you may be buying with) about how excited you are about the elements of the home. Notice if you’re veering into, “Only this home has this unique element!” Sticking with your general preferences — updated home, architecture style, neighborhood, etc. — can help remind you that there is more than one home where you can find joy and contentment.

Identify your non-negotiables as clearly as possible. The flip side to being as general as possible with your wants is being as clear as possible with your deal-breakers. Know before you look if you’re really only open to a condo with three or more bedrooms, or a house with a garage. It’s easy to be swept up in a home that may have some dream elements to it even though it has deal-breaker issues. If you find yourself in that position, offer yourself the grace that this won’t always be a tidy and neat process — you get to be human in the midst of it.


Do you have any strategies or tips buyers can use to move on from an unsuccessful offer?

CK:  Pause to reflect, then let it go. It can be deeply disappointing to lose an opportunity that you felt invested in. Honor that by taking a few hours or even a couple days to acknowledge that experience, and know it will fade. Note what was so disappointing — did it appear to have everything you wanted? Finding an opportunity to feel gratitude will counter the propensity to dwell solely on what was lost. Also helpful is considering if it really did have everything you wanted, or — more likely — most of what you wanted.

Learn from each loss. In my experience, each bid process is unique and comes with its own challenges and insights. Again, note what you were surprised by and integrate it into your process for future bids.



What general advice would you give to someone in the midst of buying a home right now?

CK:  Prepare for a marathon, even if it’s just a sprint. You will not know how long it will take to have an offer accepted. It could be a couple homes you offer on, it could be 12. Having our expectations be flexible and expansive sets us up for less disappointment.

Extend kindness to yourself. It may sound simple, but this is challenging for many. It can be easy to doubt your judgment, become angry with your home-buying partner, or get obsessed with searching. All these responses are understandable! (Remember earlier when we acknowledged how important this decision is?) Being kind means finding ways to rest, recharge and integrate each step along the way. This could be taking a short break from scrolling through listings to recenter yourself, preparing a comforting meal after a lost opportunity, or being intentional about getting to bed earlier, if you can.

Talk about it. For many people, it’s helpful to say out loud what’s rolling around in their mind. Some prefer to journal. Whatever works best for you, try to share the challenges, insights, dreams and goals that you’re noticing. Remember that you’re looking for a home during an extraordinary time, so be mindful of the extra effort that may involve. The more we’re aware of our rising tide of stress, the more likely we are to tap into our strategies to manage that stress. Reach out often to loved ones to keep your awareness, energy, and perspective in line with your goals and hopes. 

Remember, these tips are intended as general advice. If you have specific concerns, are struggling or need help, contact a licensed mental health professional. 

If you’re ready to take the next step in your home-buying journey, you can find information and reviews for local Zillow Premier Agents who can walk you through the buying process and help you find the right home. You can also learn more about financing options and get a better understanding of your total monthly expenses from the experts at Zillow Home Loans. 


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Leased Solar Panels Could Impact Your Buyer’s Ability to Get a Mortgage

By Inner Circle • January 20, 2026
Most homeowners who consider adding solar panels are thinking about a few common goals: They’re environmentally conscious and want to reduce their carbon footprint. They’re looking to save on rising utility costs. They believe solar will increase the value of their home when they sell it. But how they think about paying for the installation is an entirely different conversation. If you have enough cash saved up, are willing to take out a home improvement or solar loan, or have access to other financing options (HELOCs, personal loans, etc.), you can buy and own the system outright. For many homeowners, though, that upfront cost feels daunting — which is exactly why leasing a solar system has become so popular. Solar companies often make leased systems sound almost irresistible: little or no money down, monthly payments that are offset by anticipated savings on your electric bill, and assurances that a future buyer will assume the lease with ease. Many sales pitches even imply that simply having solar is a selling point and adds value to the home. But whether you already took a solar company up on a lease offer, or are considering doing so, you may want to think about how that could impact whether or not your future buyer can buy your house when you go to sell. Some Lenders Will Treat Leased Solar Panels Like Debt One of the more common concerns people raise about how solar panels will impact the future resale of a home is in terms of aesthetics. Some buyers simply don’t like how they look and won’t consider a home with them, which can obviously impact the number of buyers your home will appeal to, and potentially the selling price. However, a leased system can create another issue that goes beyond preference: it can affect whether they can buy your home at all. When a buyer applies for a mortgage, lenders look closely at their financial obligations. Depending on the situation, some mortgage underwriters will treat a leased solar system like a monthly debt payment because the buyer must take over that contract as part of buying the house. So even if your future buyer loves the fact that you have solar panels installed, the lease payments can still count against their debt-to-income ratio (DTI) — one of the core metrics lenders use to determine how much a buyer can borrow. If the lease payment pushes their DTI too high, they might not qualify for the mortgage amount they need, or in some cases, prevent them from qualifying at all. Some lenders and loan programs are more flexible than others, but there’s always a risk that a lease payment can be counted against the buyer’s ability to qualify for the home price you want in certain underwriting scenarios. It’s also worth noting that appraisers typically don’t assign value to leased equipment the way they do for owned solar. If a buyer doesn’t own the panels, an appraiser generally won’t add dollar value to the home based on their presence alone, which may impact the value you and your buyer agreed upon, forcing price renegotiations. What to Do Before Installing a Leased Solar Panel System If you’re still in the decision-making stage — or even if you already have solar installed — and you’re thinking about the resale of your home, it’s worth getting informed before moving forward. One helpful resource many homeowners aren’t aware of is this consumer advisory from the U.S. Department of the Treasury that outlines what to consider before installing solar panels. It covers financing options, ownership vs. third-party arrangements, tax credits, and — importantly — how solar systems can interact with loans and future home sales. It’s a neutral, plain-English guide designed to help homeowners understand the long-term implications of their choices, not just the short-term savings pitch. Reading through guidance like that can help you ask better questions, spot potential red flags in contracts, and understand how different solar arrangements may affect you later, but speaking with a local real estate agent can also be extremely helpful. An agent doesn’t sell solar, and they don’t benefit one way or another from how you finance it — which makes their perspective especially useful. They can help you understand how leased systems are typically received by buyers and lenders in your market, whether similar homes with solar have faced financing hurdles, and what impact (if any) a lease might have on your buyer pool or sale timeline. Real estate is hyper-local. What works seamlessly in one neighborhood or price range may create friction in another. Before installing solar — or before listing a home with a leased system already in place — having an agent weigh in can help you avoid surprises and make decisions that align with both your lifestyle goals and future resale plans. Sometimes, a quick conversation upfront can save you from a much bigger headache later. The Takeaway: Leasing a solar panel system often sounds easier and more appealing than paying outright for it to be installed. However, when you lease, lenders might treat that monthly obligation as debt, which can affect a future buyer’s ability to qualify. If resale matters — whether next year or years down the road — understand your lease terms, explore buy-out or ownership options, and consult with a local agent before installing or listing.

More Buyers Are Planning To Move in 2026. Here’s How To Get Ready.

By KCM • January 16, 2026
More Buyers Are Planning To Move in 2026. Here’s How To Get Ready. Momentum is quietly building in the housing market . New data from NerdWallet shows more Americans are starting to think about buying a home again. Last year, 15% of respondents said they planned to buy a home in the next 12 months. This year, that number rose to 17%. That 2% increase might not sound like a big jump, but in a market where buyer demand has been cooling for the past few years, it’s a sign things are starting to shift . More people are feeling ready (or at least closer to ready) to take the leap and buy a home in 2026 . And if you’re in that camp and buying a home is on your goal sheet this year, this is your nudge to connect with a local agent and a trusted lender to start laying the groundwork now. Planning To Move in Early 2026? Start with These 4 Steps If you’re eager to get the ball rolling right away, here's what to tackle first: Get pre-approved . A pre-approval gives you a real understanding of your buying power and what your payment could be at today’s rates. But keep in mind, Experian says most pre-approvals are only good for 30-90 days, so this step makes the most sense as you’re ready to get serious. Run the numbers. Look closely at all your expenses to come up with your budget. Consider what you’re spending on other bills and what your monthly mortgage payment would be once you buy. That way you go in with open eyes and you don’t stretch too far. Define your non-negotiables . Once you know the numbers work, figure out your must-haves. This includes your desired location, commute, layout, school district, lifestyle needs, etc. Getting clear on these now makes decisions easier once you start looking at homes. Choose your agent early . Look at reviews online and talk to multiple agents to find one you trust that you also click with. The right agent does more than show homes. They help you understand pricing, competition, timing, and strategy before you ever write an offer. Thinking about Buying Later in the Year? This Is Still Your Window To Prepare Even if buying feels like a late-2026 goal, this moment still matters. The buyers who feel the most confident later are usually the ones who quietly prepared earlier. That doesn’t mean big financial commitments or major lifestyle changes. It just means setting yourself up so you’re ready when the timing is right. Here are a few low-stress ways to do that: Work on your credit. While you don't need to have perfect credit to buy a home, your score can have an impact on your loan terms and even your mortgage rate. So, working to bring up your score has its perks. Paying down debt now and making payments on time can help bring your score up. Automate your savings. If you have to remember to transfer money into your homebuying savings manually, you may forget to do it. So, you may want to set up automatic transfers to drive consistency and remove the temptation to spend the money elsewhere. Lean into your side hustles: Do you have a gig you do (or have done before) to net some extra cash? Taking on part-time work, freelance jobs, or picking up a side hustle can help give your savings a boost. Put any unexpected cash to good use: If you get any sudden windfalls, like a tax refund, bonus, inheritance, or cash gift from family, put it toward your house fund. You’ll thank yourself later. The common thread here? The right prep work makes a difference. Bottom Line If buying a home in 2026 is on your radar, let’s start the conversation today. Not to rush a decision, but to make sure you know how to get ready for your moment. Because every move (whether it’s next year or later) is smoother when it starts with a plan. And if you need help coming up with one that works, let’s connect.

Not Sure If You’re Ready To Buy a Home? Ask Yourself These 5 Questions.

By KCM • January 14, 2026
Not Sure If You’re Ready To Buy a Home? Ask Yourself These 5 Questions. If you’re trying to decide if you’re ready to become a homeowner in the next twelve months, there’s probably a lot on your mind. You’re thinking about your finances, today’s mortgage rates, home prices, the current state of the economy, and more. And, you’re juggling how all of those things will impact the choice you’ll make. It’s a lot. But here’s what you need to remember. While housing market conditions are definitely a factor in your decision, your own personal situation and your finances matter too. As an article from NerdWallet says: “Housing market trends give important context. But whether this is a good time to buy a house also depends on your financial situation, life goals and readiness to become a homeowner .” So, instead of trying to time the market, focus on what you can control. Here are a few questions that can give you clarity on whether or not you’re ready to make your move. 1. Do you have a stable job? Buying a home is a big commitment. You’re going to take out a home loan stating you’ll pay that loan back. Knowing you have a reliable job and a steady stream of income is important and will give you peace of mind for a purchase so large. 2. Have you figured out what you can afford? If you have a reliable paycheck coming in, the next thing to figure out is what you can afford . This depends on your budget, spending habits, debts, and more. At this point, it helps to talk with a trusted lender. They’ll be able to tell you about the pre-approval process and what you’re qualified to borrow, current mortgage rates and your approximate monthly payment, closing costs, and other expenses you’ll want to budget for. That way, you have a good idea of what to expect. 3. Do you have an emergency fund? As you crunch your numbers, you'll want to make sure you have enough cash left over in case of emergency. Think about it. You don’t want to overextend on the house, and then not be able to weather a storm if one comes along. It’s not a fun topic, but it’s an important one. As CNET says: “You’ll want to have a financial cushion that can cover several months of living expenses, including mortgage payments, in case of unforeseen circumstances, such as job loss or medical emergencies.” 4. How long do you plan to live there? It was mentioned above, but buying a home comes with some upfront expenses. And while you’ll get that money back (and more) as you gain equity, that process takes some time. If you plan to move again soon, you may not recoup your full investment. So, how long should you stay put in an ideal world? Lawrence Yun, Chief Economist at the National Association of Realtors (NAR), explains: “Five years is a good, comfortable mark. If the price of your home appreciates considerably, then even three years would be fine.” So, think about your future. If you’re going to live there for a while, it may make sense to go for it. But, if you’re looking to sell and move within a year or two because you’re planning to transfer to a new city with that promotion you’ve been working so hard for, or you anticipate you'll need to move to take care of family, those are things to factor in. 5. Do you have a team of real estate professionals in place? If you do, great. But if you don’t, finding a trusted local agent and a lender is a good first step. Having the right team can make figuring out everything else easier. The pros can talk you through your options and help you decide if you’re ready to make your move, or if you have a few more things to get in order first. Bottom Line If you want to have a conversation about the most important things you need to consider when buying a home, let’s connect.
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