Buying a House in 2021? It Can Be an Emotional Experience

Appfolio Websites • January 18, 2021

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A mental health expert offers tips on coping with the stress of buying a home in today’s intensely competitive market.


Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Even in an ideal scenario — a buyers market with plenty of affordable houses to choose from and scant competition — it’s not something to take lightly. And today’s buyers are not living that ideal: Prices are rising quickly, inventory is at an all-time low, and competition for the few homes available often leads to bidding wars (fortunately, there are some effective ways to prepare for that) — all of which can create anxiety and stress. 

While record-low mortgage rates make purchasing a home an enticing opportunity, and having your own place — maybe with a garden and a puppy (well-behaved, of course!) — may sound like a dream, many others are dreaming the same dream. 

To top it off, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought plenty of its own emotional baggage and logistical challenges. 

As Mark Stayton discovered, working in the real estate industry doesn’t provide any shortcuts. A public relations specialist at Zillow, Mark and his wife have been trying to buy a home in the red-hot Seattle market for just over a year now. Through countless tours and nine losing bids, they’ve ridden the emotional highs of falling in love with the “perfect” home, endured the turbulence of bidding wars and felt the crushing lows of being blown out by an all-cash buyer — occasionally all three with the same house!

To better understand how to prepare emotionally for what can be a marathon search, Mark spoke with Christina Koepp, a licensed mental health counselor at Wellspring Family Services, and asked her to weigh in on what home shoppers can do to cope with this pressure-cooker of stress. While not intended as medical advice, Christina offers some general tips to help prepare for the emotional journey of finding and buying a home. 


What makes buying a home such a stressful experience?

Christina Koepp: There is almost no area of our lives that is left untouched by such a monumental decision. Considering where to live and buying a home taps into all parts of our mind: our basic need for shelter, our attachment needs for a safe place to connect with ourselves and others, and the existential question of how our lives will look in this new place and community. In order to take the risk and make an offer on a home, we need to be willing to attach to a new place to live, and — simultaneously — hold it loosely enough that it won’t be devastating to lose the bid. It’s a narrow path of guarded optimism.


How is the current health crisis adding to these stresses?

CK: We know that most people are more stressed and anxious right now at a baseline. There has been tremendous and continued disruption to many lives, making it more likely that people will crave consistency and predictability where they have the ability to create it. 

Very little is predictable when it comes to buying a home — you can be outbid, you may have disagreements with your home-buying partner, etc. If you’re already more anxious, more stressed, or experiencing disrupted sleep or low mood as a result of the pandemic, then a big decision like this will be compounded by these existing challenges.


In this competitive market, buyers may lose out on one or more homes before their offer is selected. How can people mentally prepare for a competitive bidding process?

CK: There is a balancing act of being vulnerable enough to imagine your life in this potential new place, creating new memories and experiences within those walls and neighborhood — which takes risk — and balancing that with the very healthy protective impulse of avoiding attaching too fully and too quickly until it’s assured. 

For folks who tend to avoid the vulnerability piece, it makes home-buying hard, because our emotional response to each home is, in fact, an important part of any decision-making process. On the other hand, if you “fall in love” with every home you see, there leaves little room for discerning which is the best fit, and you can quickly become emotionally fatigued with each lost bid or opportunity.

Here are some tips:

Identify your hopes, preferences and design dreams in general terms. As you consider each new home, ask yourself, “How will I feel if I don’t get this home?” If you find yourself feeling concerned over the loss, talk to someone (especially the person who you may be buying with) about how excited you are about the elements of the home. Notice if you’re veering into, “Only this home has this unique element!” Sticking with your general preferences — updated home, architecture style, neighborhood, etc. — can help remind you that there is more than one home where you can find joy and contentment.

Identify your non-negotiables as clearly as possible. The flip side to being as general as possible with your wants is being as clear as possible with your deal-breakers. Know before you look if you’re really only open to a condo with three or more bedrooms, or a house with a garage. It’s easy to be swept up in a home that may have some dream elements to it even though it has deal-breaker issues. If you find yourself in that position, offer yourself the grace that this won’t always be a tidy and neat process — you get to be human in the midst of it.


Do you have any strategies or tips buyers can use to move on from an unsuccessful offer?

CK:  Pause to reflect, then let it go. It can be deeply disappointing to lose an opportunity that you felt invested in. Honor that by taking a few hours or even a couple days to acknowledge that experience, and know it will fade. Note what was so disappointing — did it appear to have everything you wanted? Finding an opportunity to feel gratitude will counter the propensity to dwell solely on what was lost. Also helpful is considering if it really did have everything you wanted, or — more likely — most of what you wanted.

Learn from each loss. In my experience, each bid process is unique and comes with its own challenges and insights. Again, note what you were surprised by and integrate it into your process for future bids.



What general advice would you give to someone in the midst of buying a home right now?

CK:  Prepare for a marathon, even if it’s just a sprint. You will not know how long it will take to have an offer accepted. It could be a couple homes you offer on, it could be 12. Having our expectations be flexible and expansive sets us up for less disappointment.

Extend kindness to yourself. It may sound simple, but this is challenging for many. It can be easy to doubt your judgment, become angry with your home-buying partner, or get obsessed with searching. All these responses are understandable! (Remember earlier when we acknowledged how important this decision is?) Being kind means finding ways to rest, recharge and integrate each step along the way. This could be taking a short break from scrolling through listings to recenter yourself, preparing a comforting meal after a lost opportunity, or being intentional about getting to bed earlier, if you can.

Talk about it. For many people, it’s helpful to say out loud what’s rolling around in their mind. Some prefer to journal. Whatever works best for you, try to share the challenges, insights, dreams and goals that you’re noticing. Remember that you’re looking for a home during an extraordinary time, so be mindful of the extra effort that may involve. The more we’re aware of our rising tide of stress, the more likely we are to tap into our strategies to manage that stress. Reach out often to loved ones to keep your awareness, energy, and perspective in line with your goals and hopes. 

Remember, these tips are intended as general advice. If you have specific concerns, are struggling or need help, contact a licensed mental health professional. 

If you’re ready to take the next step in your home-buying journey, you can find information and reviews for local Zillow Premier Agents who can walk you through the buying process and help you find the right home. You can also learn more about financing options and get a better understanding of your total monthly expenses from the experts at Zillow Home Loans. 


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Two Big Reasons To Move This Summer

By KCM • July 16, 2026
Two Big Reasons To Move This Summer A lot of people who want to move are telling themselves the same thing: "Maybe I'll just wait until later this year once things calm down." While waiting sounds like a good plan, there's something worth knowing before you decide. Rates aren’t expected to change much, so if that’s the #1 reason you’re waiting, it may not pay off. And there may be other things you miss out on in the meantime. Historically, Summer is one of the strongest seasons of the year for both buyers and sellers. And if you delay your move until Fall or Winter, some of those opportunities may already be fading. Buyers: Fresh Inventory Is Your Real Summer Advantage One of the biggest frustrations buyers have faced over the past few years has been a lack of affordable options . Maybe you’ve run into that yourself: You find a house you like, but it's out of your budget. You find something in your budget, but you don’t like it. Or worse, nothing interesting hits the market for weeks. Historically, Summer helps with that. Looking at data from the last few years, Summer months consistently bring more sellers into the market than later in the year. And that gives buyers a real window of fresh choices. According to Realtor.com, any given Summer month typically sees about 32% more fresh options than the average month from September-December. With more newly listed homes, there’s a better chance of finding one you like where the numbers actually work. Because all it really takes is one home to completely change your search. And if you’ve got more popping onto the market to choose from, maybe one of those is exactly what you need. But keep in mind, this seasonal window isn’t open forever. Fresh inventory tends to slow down once Summer ends. Many homeowners who planned to sell this year have already listed by then. Families who wanted to move before school starts have often already gotten it done, or at least, set it into motion. So, new listing activity usually cools as we head into Fall and Winter. Of course, every year is different. But if finding the right home at the right price has been your biggest challenge, waiting until later in the year may not necessarily give you more options. In fact, recent history suggests it may do just the opposite. Sellers: Homes Usually Sell for More in the Summer If you're thinking of selling, you may be considering holding off because you've seen headlines about lower asking prices, price cuts, and softer conditions in some markets. But those headlines don’t tell the whole story or convey just how much it varies by area. Here’s what you really need to know. Even though the market’s becoming more balanced and some pockets are experiencing price declines, that doesn’t mean you’ve missed your chance to sell. Seasonality can still work in your favor no matter where you are . And this Summer could still give you the chance to sell for a good price. According to the National Association of Realtors (NAR), homes sold during a Summer month usually sell for about 4% more than homes sold during the typical month from September-December: Why? Summer buyers are usually operating on a set timeframe. They’re trying to move before the next school year or when they have more PTO and warmer weather to tour houses. That urgency can translate into better offers. Now, that doesn’t mean you should price your house 4% higher this Summer. That would actually be a mistake in today’s market. It just means if you’re looking to get as much for your house as you reasonably can, a Summer move could be a smarter play than waiting until later this year. Because based on typical seasonality , you may get more for your house than you would if you waited until the Fall or Winter (when there are typically fewer buyers active). And if you're considering a move anyway, that’s worth factoring in. Bottom Line Could waiting until later this year work out? Sure. But it's important to understand what you may gain by moving now too – that way you have the full picture before you decide. If a 2026 move is on your radar, let’s connect and talk about what matters most to you. Depending on your priorities, Summer could be your moment.

Why Staging Your House Could Pay Off This Spring

By KCM • July 12, 2026
Why Staging Your House Could Pay Off This Spring Selling your house this season? You’ve probably heard you should stage it before it hits the market. But what does that really mean – and is it worth the effort? The short answer is “yes,” especially right now. With more houses for sale this year, you’re likely wondering how to make the most money possible without your house sitting on the market. The answer is staging. It can help your house stand out, bring in stronger offers, and sell faster . As Nadia Evangelou, Principal Economist at the National Association of Realtors (NAR), puts it: “Staging matters. Preparing the home to be ‘buyer-ready’ attracts more buyers, especially now that inventory has increased.” Here's what staging actually involves and what it could do for your sale. What Is Home Staging? Home staging is the process of preparing your house, so it appeals to as many buyers as possible . That usually means decluttering, deep cleaning, rearranging furniture, and adding simple touches that help each room feel bright, open, and welcoming. The goal is to help buyers fall in love with the space and picture themselves living there , which makes them more likely to make an offer. Why Staging Is Worth the Effort Staged houses tend to perform better on almost every metric that matters when you sell. According to Redfin, staged homes have been shown to sell up to 73% faster than unstaged homes. And they often close in under a month, compared to anywhere from two to three months for vacant ones. There’s also a strong return on the money you spend. The Home Staging Institute says mid-level staging can deliver a 350% return on investment. On a $400k home, that turns the typical $4k cost into roughly $18k in added value when you sell (see graph below): By that estimate, that’s an extra potential profit of about $14k – a meaningful boost when you’re trying to maximize what you walk away with at closing. Your Staging Options And just in case you’re seeing that $4k upfront investment above and thinking, “I’m not going to spend that,” here’s what you should know. Staging doesn’t always have to mean hiring a full crew or filling your house with rented furniture. There are a few different paths you can take, depending on your budget and timeline. So, you could spend a lot less and still get a good return. Here are a few options: Professional staging. A stager handles everything from layout to décor, often bringing in their own inventory. According to the Home Staging Institute, costs typically range from $500 to $5k or more, depending on the size of your house. Virtual staging. Digital furniture and styling are added to your listing photos, which can be a budget-friendly option for vacant houses. DIY staging. If your budget is tight and your home only needs minor updates, decluttering, deep cleaning, and arranging furniture for flow can still make a real difference. Your agent can help you figure out which approach fits your house, your market, and your goals. Agents see what buyers respond to in open houses and showings every week, so they can give you specific, personalized recommendations on what’s worth your time and money (and what isn’t). That way you can get the most bang for your buck – no matter your budget. Bottom Line With more homes for sale right now, making a strong first impression matters. Staging can help your house sell faster and for more – and there's an option for almost every budget. If you’re getting ready to list, let’s talk about what level of staging makes sense for your house and make a plan for attracting the right buyers.

Could Co-Buying Be the Answer for Some First-Time Buyers?

By KCM • July 10, 2026
Could Co-Buying Be the Answer for Some First-Time Buyers? For a lot of would-be first-time buyers , affordability is the thing that’s standing in the way. But some buyers are getting creative and finding a way to still make the numbers work – and that’s through co-buying . The Dream Is Still Alive. The Math Just Isn’t Working for Everyone. Young people haven’t given up on the dream of owning a home – not even close. According to FirstHome IQ, homeownership still ranks among the top life goals for the next generation. The problem? 73% of Gen Z and millennial buyers cite affordability as the reason for not making homeownership a priority. And it shows. First-time buyers now make up just 21% of all home purchases , the lowest share since the National Association of Realtors (NAR) started tracking the data in 1981. But still, some buyers are making it happen. And a portion of them are turning to co-buying to get their foot in the door. So, What’s Co-Buying? Co-buying means purchasing a home with someone else, like a friend, sibling, or unmarried partner. You combine incomes, split the down payment, and share monthly costs. For some people, it’s a creative way to turn “someday” into a concrete move-in date that’s just around the corner. And it's catching on fast, just look at where things stand today. According to CoBuy.io , 64 million Americans now co-own a home with someone they’re not married to. In fact, 31.5% of home purchases involve co-buyers (see graph below): Why It Works Here are just a few of the top reasons buyers are going this route, according to NerdWallet: Quicker path to homeownership: If owning a home is a serious goal for you, buying with someone else can help make that reality on a shorter timeline. Two or more people can save up a down payment a lot faster than one. That’s less time waiting and more time building equity in a place that’s yours. More purchasing power: With multiple incomes going toward the home purchase, you might be able to afford a nicer home or live in a more popular neighborhood. Sometimes teaming up means getting the home you actually want, not just the one you can barely afford on your own. Easier loan qualification: Added income from more than one buyer can also help with your debt-to-income (DTI) ratio, which the lender will calculate based on all the borrowers. Lower housing costs: Splitting up a mortgage payment multiple ways could maybe even make owning less expensive than renting . Plus, sharing costs can make repairs or renovations more manageable, too. Things To Keep in Mind If you’re considering going this route, there are some things you’ll want to think over. For starters, co-buying works best with people you trust and share financial goals with. So, before moving forward, make sure everyone agrees on how costs are split, who handles what, and what happens if one person wants to sell down the road. That’s why a written co-ownership agreement can be a smart move. It keeps everyone on the same page and helps avoid headaches down the line. Think of it less like a legal formality and more like a game plan for your new investment. Bottom Line Affordability challenges are real, but they don't have to mean waiting indefinitely. Co-buying is helping some first-time buyers stop waiting and start putting down roots. If you're curious whether it could work for your situation, let's talk. Reach out today and let's figure out your path to homeownership together.
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