Buying a House in 2021? It Can Be an Emotional Experience

Appfolio Websites • January 18, 2021

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A mental health expert offers tips on coping with the stress of buying a home in today’s intensely competitive market.


Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Even in an ideal scenario — a buyers market with plenty of affordable houses to choose from and scant competition — it’s not something to take lightly. And today’s buyers are not living that ideal: Prices are rising quickly, inventory is at an all-time low, and competition for the few homes available often leads to bidding wars (fortunately, there are some effective ways to prepare for that) — all of which can create anxiety and stress. 

While record-low mortgage rates make purchasing a home an enticing opportunity, and having your own place — maybe with a garden and a puppy (well-behaved, of course!) — may sound like a dream, many others are dreaming the same dream. 

To top it off, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought plenty of its own emotional baggage and logistical challenges. 

As Mark Stayton discovered, working in the real estate industry doesn’t provide any shortcuts. A public relations specialist at Zillow, Mark and his wife have been trying to buy a home in the red-hot Seattle market for just over a year now. Through countless tours and nine losing bids, they’ve ridden the emotional highs of falling in love with the “perfect” home, endured the turbulence of bidding wars and felt the crushing lows of being blown out by an all-cash buyer — occasionally all three with the same house!

To better understand how to prepare emotionally for what can be a marathon search, Mark spoke with Christina Koepp, a licensed mental health counselor at Wellspring Family Services, and asked her to weigh in on what home shoppers can do to cope with this pressure-cooker of stress. While not intended as medical advice, Christina offers some general tips to help prepare for the emotional journey of finding and buying a home. 


What makes buying a home such a stressful experience?

Christina Koepp: There is almost no area of our lives that is left untouched by such a monumental decision. Considering where to live and buying a home taps into all parts of our mind: our basic need for shelter, our attachment needs for a safe place to connect with ourselves and others, and the existential question of how our lives will look in this new place and community. In order to take the risk and make an offer on a home, we need to be willing to attach to a new place to live, and — simultaneously — hold it loosely enough that it won’t be devastating to lose the bid. It’s a narrow path of guarded optimism.


How is the current health crisis adding to these stresses?

CK: We know that most people are more stressed and anxious right now at a baseline. There has been tremendous and continued disruption to many lives, making it more likely that people will crave consistency and predictability where they have the ability to create it. 

Very little is predictable when it comes to buying a home — you can be outbid, you may have disagreements with your home-buying partner, etc. If you’re already more anxious, more stressed, or experiencing disrupted sleep or low mood as a result of the pandemic, then a big decision like this will be compounded by these existing challenges.


In this competitive market, buyers may lose out on one or more homes before their offer is selected. How can people mentally prepare for a competitive bidding process?

CK: There is a balancing act of being vulnerable enough to imagine your life in this potential new place, creating new memories and experiences within those walls and neighborhood — which takes risk — and balancing that with the very healthy protective impulse of avoiding attaching too fully and too quickly until it’s assured. 

For folks who tend to avoid the vulnerability piece, it makes home-buying hard, because our emotional response to each home is, in fact, an important part of any decision-making process. On the other hand, if you “fall in love” with every home you see, there leaves little room for discerning which is the best fit, and you can quickly become emotionally fatigued with each lost bid or opportunity.

Here are some tips:

Identify your hopes, preferences and design dreams in general terms. As you consider each new home, ask yourself, “How will I feel if I don’t get this home?” If you find yourself feeling concerned over the loss, talk to someone (especially the person who you may be buying with) about how excited you are about the elements of the home. Notice if you’re veering into, “Only this home has this unique element!” Sticking with your general preferences — updated home, architecture style, neighborhood, etc. — can help remind you that there is more than one home where you can find joy and contentment.

Identify your non-negotiables as clearly as possible. The flip side to being as general as possible with your wants is being as clear as possible with your deal-breakers. Know before you look if you’re really only open to a condo with three or more bedrooms, or a house with a garage. It’s easy to be swept up in a home that may have some dream elements to it even though it has deal-breaker issues. If you find yourself in that position, offer yourself the grace that this won’t always be a tidy and neat process — you get to be human in the midst of it.


Do you have any strategies or tips buyers can use to move on from an unsuccessful offer?

CK:  Pause to reflect, then let it go. It can be deeply disappointing to lose an opportunity that you felt invested in. Honor that by taking a few hours or even a couple days to acknowledge that experience, and know it will fade. Note what was so disappointing — did it appear to have everything you wanted? Finding an opportunity to feel gratitude will counter the propensity to dwell solely on what was lost. Also helpful is considering if it really did have everything you wanted, or — more likely — most of what you wanted.

Learn from each loss. In my experience, each bid process is unique and comes with its own challenges and insights. Again, note what you were surprised by and integrate it into your process for future bids.



What general advice would you give to someone in the midst of buying a home right now?

CK:  Prepare for a marathon, even if it’s just a sprint. You will not know how long it will take to have an offer accepted. It could be a couple homes you offer on, it could be 12. Having our expectations be flexible and expansive sets us up for less disappointment.

Extend kindness to yourself. It may sound simple, but this is challenging for many. It can be easy to doubt your judgment, become angry with your home-buying partner, or get obsessed with searching. All these responses are understandable! (Remember earlier when we acknowledged how important this decision is?) Being kind means finding ways to rest, recharge and integrate each step along the way. This could be taking a short break from scrolling through listings to recenter yourself, preparing a comforting meal after a lost opportunity, or being intentional about getting to bed earlier, if you can.

Talk about it. For many people, it’s helpful to say out loud what’s rolling around in their mind. Some prefer to journal. Whatever works best for you, try to share the challenges, insights, dreams and goals that you’re noticing. Remember that you’re looking for a home during an extraordinary time, so be mindful of the extra effort that may involve. The more we’re aware of our rising tide of stress, the more likely we are to tap into our strategies to manage that stress. Reach out often to loved ones to keep your awareness, energy, and perspective in line with your goals and hopes. 

Remember, these tips are intended as general advice. If you have specific concerns, are struggling or need help, contact a licensed mental health professional. 

If you’re ready to take the next step in your home-buying journey, you can find information and reviews for local Zillow Premier Agents who can walk you through the buying process and help you find the right home. You can also learn more about financing options and get a better understanding of your total monthly expenses from the experts at Zillow Home Loans. 


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Less House, More Home: Why Smaller Homes Are Paying Off for Today’s Buyers

By KCM • June 23, 2026
Less House, More Home: Why Smaller Homes Are Paying Off for Today’s Buyers You started shopping with a specific mental image of your future home in your mind. Then the houses in your budget came in smaller than you pictured. That’s the reality for a lot of buyers right now. Affordability is tight. But don’t let that discourage you. Going smaller might actually be a smart play in today’s market – and the upside can be bigger than you'd think. Let’s break down two places to look where smaller won’t necessarily feel like a compromise. Homebuilders Are Focused on Smaller Options Lately For starters, smaller is kind of on trend right now. Newly built homes have been shrinking for years. According to the latest data from the Census, the median square footage of new single-family homes has been falling overall since 2014 (see graph below): Why? Builders focus on the types of homes consumers want the most. After all, they want to build what will actually sell. And for the past decade, buyers seem to agree less is more. Especially right now, when affordability is a key concern, they’re building homes with smaller square footage than a decade ago. And that’s good because that may be more within budget for many buyers. It’s part of why new home prices recently hit a 5-year low . So, if you’re not getting excited about any of the existing options at your price point, it may be time to check out what builders are doing in your area. You may find brand-new options you really love with all the latest and greatest features. And if you’ve got modern appliances and design, maybe slightly less square footage doesn’t feel like that much of a compromise anymore, especially if the house is move-in ready. Condos Are Opening Up Another Path Just in case you don’t have a ton of new builds in your area, another avenue worth exploring is condominiums or condos. For buyers crunching numbers to make the math work, condos can take real pressure off the budget. According to the National Association of Realtors (NAR), the median price for condos is less than the median for single-family homes in every region (see graph below): Part of that is because condos are typically smaller. And smaller square footage can come with a smaller price tag too. That's a selling point to affordability-strapped buyers right now – and it’s one of the reasons we’re seeing a bump in condo sales. The number of condos sold rose 2.7% from just a month ago. It’s also up year over year, according to NAR . Ali Wolf, Chief Economist for New Home Source, explains why more buyers are going this route: “In addition to favoring smaller floor plans, more consumers are showing a willingness to live in an attached home. This shift is not driven by a preference for shared walls, but by a pursuit of value.” The Community Does Some of the Heavy Lifting Here’s why smaller may still work for you. Whether it’s a condo complex or a neighborhood of detached single-family homes, the right community can give you back in amenities what you trade in square footage. Many developments are designed so the home is just one piece of where you actually spend your time. Master-planned communities often include walking trails, pools, fitness centers, co-working spaces, and outdoor gathering areas – the kind of features that pick up where your floor plan leaves off. No room for a dedicated office? The co-working space might be just a five-minute walk away. Want a place to work out? It's already built in with the shared gym. And features like that can make opting for a smaller footprint feel less like a compromise – and more like a big lifestyle upgrade. Bottom Line Today’s smaller single-family homes and condos have more going for them than the square footage suggests. They can give your budget some breathing room and put you in a community designed with lifestyle in mind. Curious about the options in our area? Let's connect.

The Real Reason Some People Are Still Moving Right Now

By KCM • June 14, 2026
The Real Reason Some People Are Still Moving Right Now You may be telling yourself you’re going to wait to move – maybe you’re hoping mortgage rates will come down, prices will fall, or the market will feel a little easier. And honestly? A lot of people feel that way right now. But here’s what some are starting to realize. Waiting doesn’t usually fix the thing that made you want to move in the first place. Your family still desperately needs more room. Your empty nest still feels too...empty. Your parents or grandparents still need you to live closer. You just got married... or divorced. Your vision of retirement has you living somewhere else. Eventually, life can reach a point where waiting feels harder than moving. That’s why some people are still deciding to buy right now, even in today’s market. Not because conditions are perfect . But because the life changes behind their move never really went away. And maybe that’s exactly where you are too. If so, you’re certainly not alone. The Real Reasons People Move Data from the National Association of Realtors (NAR) shows 1 in 5 buyers last year said they felt like they had to purchase a home at that time, no matter the market. That's an important reminder right now. Sure, the dollars and cents of your move have to make sense for you. But big life changes happen whether mortgage rates and home prices are high, low, or somewhere in between. And those big life events happen more than you may think. NAR says roughly 22.5 million people experience major life changes in a typical two-year span (see graph below): These are exactly the kinds of things that can change how much space you need, where you want to live, or what kind of lifestyle makes sense now. Chen Zhao, Head of Economics Research at Redfin, explains: “Life doesn’t stand still—people get new jobs, grow their families, downsize after retirement, or simply want to live in a different neighborhood.” And that’s what makes waiting so hard. Every month you spend hoping the market changes is another month living in a house that no longer works for your life. It’s stressful to feel stuck. And that feeling usually doesn’t disappear. There May Be More Opportunity Than You Think But while affordability is still a challenge, there may still be a way for you to make your move. The number of homes for sale has been growing for 4 straight years (see graph below). That means more homes to choose from and, in some markets, more room to negotiate than buyers had just a few years ago. That doesn’t mean moving is suddenly easy. But it does mean some buyers are finding ways to make a move work. So, if you’ve been putting your plans on hold, maybe the question isn’t just: “What’s the market doing?” or “When will it get better?” Maybe ask yourself this, too: “Can I still live where I'm at right now and make it work?” If the answer to that second question is “no,” it may be worth having a conversation about what your options look like today – despite where rates or prices are. You could find your move is still possible after all. With more homes for sale, there’s a better chance to find one that fits your life (and your budget) right now. Bottom Line Life changes. Priorities shift. Families grow. Kids move out. Careers evolve. And eventually, the house you’re in may stop fitting the life you’re living. If that’s been weighing on you lately, let’s talk through what your options could realistically look like today, no matter where rates or prices are. Life can’t always wait for perfect market conditions. Maybe you don’t have to either.

The Truth About Affordability Today

By KCM • June 12, 2026
The Truth About Affordability Today Let's be real with each other for a second about affordability. Because you deserve someone who will be honest and transparent about what’s going on, especially if you’ve got a move on your mind. Here’s the full picture of what’s happening and why. The good – and the bad. So, you know what it truly means for your move. Because while rates are certainly a big part of affordability, they’re not the only factor at play. Mortgage Rates Have Been Rising After a year or more of rates trending down, they’ve started to climb again . And, if you’re looking to buy, that’s not what you want to see. But it has happened. And here’s why. Uncertainty is the enemy of mortgage rates. And with lingering global uncertainty, ongoing tensions in the Middle East, and inflation refusing to fully cool off, there’s a lot that’s having an effect on rates. Colin Robertson, Founder of The Truth About Mortgage, put it plainly: "You can't have $100 a barrel oil and not expect inflation to rise, which translates to higher bond yields and mortgage rates." Take a look at the graph below. It uses data from Mortgage News Daily to show just how much all of those factors have had an impact: It’s a pretty sharp contrast from where we’ve been, in a relatively short window. And it's probably making you wonder: Should I just wait this out? Will rates fall when the uncertainty eases ? It's possible. But it all depends on how the ongoing geopolitical conflict plays out and whether inflation continues to run hot afterwards – and for how long. Rates probably aren't heading down until both of those things improve. And even when that does happen, experts agree rates likely won’t be dramatically lower – maybe in the low to mid-6s. That's the reality, and it's worth knowing. So, should you wait for lower rates? The general consensus is, if you can afford to buy and you find a home you like, it’s still worth it. Because no one knows for sure when rates will start to come back down – and how long do you really want to put your life on hold? Wages Are Outpacing Home Prices You've probably heard that inflation is making everything more expensive, and there's no shortage of headlines about the cost-of-living outpacing paychecks. It's a legitimate concern. And maybe you’re feeling the pinch yourself. But here's what doesn't make the headlines. It's not all bad news. Data from the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta and Redfin shows wages have actually been growing faster than home prices. Recently, wages have been increasing at around 4% year-over-year. And home price growth is closer to 2% year-over-year. As a buyer, you want your income to rise faster than prices because that helps make your purchase more manageable financially, and it quietly chips away at the affordability challenge over time. That’s exactly what we’re seeing lately. And every little bit is going to help. A big reason wages have been gaining ground on home prices? Home prices have actually stayed pretty steady. Existing Home Prices Have Held Steady Check out the graph below. It shows home price data from the National Association of Realtors (NAR) over the past 4 years. Notice anything? There's been no dramatic runup, and no crash either. Just relative stability and slow growth: Part of what's keeping prices this stable is that buyers finally have more choices . That means less competition, more negotiating power, and more time to find the home that actually fits your life, not just the one you had to grab before someone else did. And that gives you a chance to hopefully find something that works for your budget, even with today’s rates. At the same time, you're not losing ground pricewise while you take time to make a careful decision. Bottom Line Yes, rates have been volatile, and global instability is keeping them from settling down anytime soon. There’s no sugar coating that. But the full picture of affordability is more nuanced than the headlines suggest. Want to run the real numbers for your situation? Let's talk. Reach out and let's set up a quick, no-pressure conversation.
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