Buying a House in 2021? It Can Be an Emotional Experience

Appfolio Websites • January 18, 2021

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A mental health expert offers tips on coping with the stress of buying a home in today’s intensely competitive market.


Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Even in an ideal scenario — a buyers market with plenty of affordable houses to choose from and scant competition — it’s not something to take lightly. And today’s buyers are not living that ideal: Prices are rising quickly, inventory is at an all-time low, and competition for the few homes available often leads to bidding wars (fortunately, there are some effective ways to prepare for that) — all of which can create anxiety and stress. 

While record-low mortgage rates make purchasing a home an enticing opportunity, and having your own place — maybe with a garden and a puppy (well-behaved, of course!) — may sound like a dream, many others are dreaming the same dream. 

To top it off, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought plenty of its own emotional baggage and logistical challenges. 

As Mark Stayton discovered, working in the real estate industry doesn’t provide any shortcuts. A public relations specialist at Zillow, Mark and his wife have been trying to buy a home in the red-hot Seattle market for just over a year now. Through countless tours and nine losing bids, they’ve ridden the emotional highs of falling in love with the “perfect” home, endured the turbulence of bidding wars and felt the crushing lows of being blown out by an all-cash buyer — occasionally all three with the same house!

To better understand how to prepare emotionally for what can be a marathon search, Mark spoke with Christina Koepp, a licensed mental health counselor at Wellspring Family Services, and asked her to weigh in on what home shoppers can do to cope with this pressure-cooker of stress. While not intended as medical advice, Christina offers some general tips to help prepare for the emotional journey of finding and buying a home. 


What makes buying a home such a stressful experience?

Christina Koepp: There is almost no area of our lives that is left untouched by such a monumental decision. Considering where to live and buying a home taps into all parts of our mind: our basic need for shelter, our attachment needs for a safe place to connect with ourselves and others, and the existential question of how our lives will look in this new place and community. In order to take the risk and make an offer on a home, we need to be willing to attach to a new place to live, and — simultaneously — hold it loosely enough that it won’t be devastating to lose the bid. It’s a narrow path of guarded optimism.


How is the current health crisis adding to these stresses?

CK: We know that most people are more stressed and anxious right now at a baseline. There has been tremendous and continued disruption to many lives, making it more likely that people will crave consistency and predictability where they have the ability to create it. 

Very little is predictable when it comes to buying a home — you can be outbid, you may have disagreements with your home-buying partner, etc. If you’re already more anxious, more stressed, or experiencing disrupted sleep or low mood as a result of the pandemic, then a big decision like this will be compounded by these existing challenges.


In this competitive market, buyers may lose out on one or more homes before their offer is selected. How can people mentally prepare for a competitive bidding process?

CK: There is a balancing act of being vulnerable enough to imagine your life in this potential new place, creating new memories and experiences within those walls and neighborhood — which takes risk — and balancing that with the very healthy protective impulse of avoiding attaching too fully and too quickly until it’s assured. 

For folks who tend to avoid the vulnerability piece, it makes home-buying hard, because our emotional response to each home is, in fact, an important part of any decision-making process. On the other hand, if you “fall in love” with every home you see, there leaves little room for discerning which is the best fit, and you can quickly become emotionally fatigued with each lost bid or opportunity.

Here are some tips:

Identify your hopes, preferences and design dreams in general terms. As you consider each new home, ask yourself, “How will I feel if I don’t get this home?” If you find yourself feeling concerned over the loss, talk to someone (especially the person who you may be buying with) about how excited you are about the elements of the home. Notice if you’re veering into, “Only this home has this unique element!” Sticking with your general preferences — updated home, architecture style, neighborhood, etc. — can help remind you that there is more than one home where you can find joy and contentment.

Identify your non-negotiables as clearly as possible. The flip side to being as general as possible with your wants is being as clear as possible with your deal-breakers. Know before you look if you’re really only open to a condo with three or more bedrooms, or a house with a garage. It’s easy to be swept up in a home that may have some dream elements to it even though it has deal-breaker issues. If you find yourself in that position, offer yourself the grace that this won’t always be a tidy and neat process — you get to be human in the midst of it.


Do you have any strategies or tips buyers can use to move on from an unsuccessful offer?

CK:  Pause to reflect, then let it go. It can be deeply disappointing to lose an opportunity that you felt invested in. Honor that by taking a few hours or even a couple days to acknowledge that experience, and know it will fade. Note what was so disappointing — did it appear to have everything you wanted? Finding an opportunity to feel gratitude will counter the propensity to dwell solely on what was lost. Also helpful is considering if it really did have everything you wanted, or — more likely — most of what you wanted.

Learn from each loss. In my experience, each bid process is unique and comes with its own challenges and insights. Again, note what you were surprised by and integrate it into your process for future bids.



What general advice would you give to someone in the midst of buying a home right now?

CK:  Prepare for a marathon, even if it’s just a sprint. You will not know how long it will take to have an offer accepted. It could be a couple homes you offer on, it could be 12. Having our expectations be flexible and expansive sets us up for less disappointment.

Extend kindness to yourself. It may sound simple, but this is challenging for many. It can be easy to doubt your judgment, become angry with your home-buying partner, or get obsessed with searching. All these responses are understandable! (Remember earlier when we acknowledged how important this decision is?) Being kind means finding ways to rest, recharge and integrate each step along the way. This could be taking a short break from scrolling through listings to recenter yourself, preparing a comforting meal after a lost opportunity, or being intentional about getting to bed earlier, if you can.

Talk about it. For many people, it’s helpful to say out loud what’s rolling around in their mind. Some prefer to journal. Whatever works best for you, try to share the challenges, insights, dreams and goals that you’re noticing. Remember that you’re looking for a home during an extraordinary time, so be mindful of the extra effort that may involve. The more we’re aware of our rising tide of stress, the more likely we are to tap into our strategies to manage that stress. Reach out often to loved ones to keep your awareness, energy, and perspective in line with your goals and hopes. 

Remember, these tips are intended as general advice. If you have specific concerns, are struggling or need help, contact a licensed mental health professional. 

If you’re ready to take the next step in your home-buying journey, you can find information and reviews for local Zillow Premier Agents who can walk you through the buying process and help you find the right home. You can also learn more about financing options and get a better understanding of your total monthly expenses from the experts at Zillow Home Loans. 


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Home Updates That Actually Pay You Back When You Sell

By KCM • February 9, 2026
Home Updates That Actually Pay You Back When You Sell Planning to sell this spring? While you may be tempted to hold off until the first blooms or the spring showers hit, that's actually waiting too long to get started by today’s standards. Buyers have more options than they did a few years ago. So, it's worth it to tackle repairs now and make sure your house is set up to stand out. Because you don’t want to be caught scrambling right before the spring rush. Or, running out of time to do the work your house really needs. The key is focusing on updates that actually matter. And that’s exactly where return-on-investment (ROI) data comes in handy. Which Projects Tend to Pay Off? Every year, Zonda looks at which home improvements deliver the most bang for the buck when you go to sell the home. And the results can be a little surprising. The green in the chart below shows the updates where sellers have the biggest potential to add value based on that research: While there's a wide range of projects represented in this data, the cool part is, some of the top winners aren’t big to-do's. They’re just swapping out doors. Small Updates, Big Visual Impact This goes to show little projects can have a big impact. So, you don’t have to spend a fortune. And you don’t need to tackle everything on this list. But in today’s market, doing nothing can work against you. Now that buyers have more homes to choose from, a lot of them are going to opt for what’s move-in ready. The best advice? Focus on what your house needs, whether it’s listed here or not – like the repairs you’ve been putting off. A front door or shutters in need of a little TLC. Piles of leaves in the yard. Scuffed up paint where your kids play inside. Those details matter too. Mallory Slesser, Interior designer and Home Stager, explains it to the National Association of Realtors (NAR) this way: “If you’re looking for affordable updates that pack a punch, dollar for dollar, I would say painting; changing out light fixtures; changing out hardware; maybe new draperies or window treatments. Those are all cost-effective ways to make a big statement. It really changes the space.” These seemingly small things help buyers focus on the home itself – not the work they think they’ll have to do after moving in. And that’s paying off for other sellers. Buyers are often willing to spend more on homes that feel well cared for, updated, and move-in ready. This Chart Is a Starting Point, Not a Strategy Here’s the important thing to remember. National data like this is a guideline. Buyer preferences are going to vary by location, price point, and even neighborhood. That means a project that boosts value in one area might be unnecessary (or even overkill) in yours. That’s why the first step should always be to talk with a local real estate professional before you start. An experienced agent can help you answer questions like: Which updates do buyers in your market expect? What can you skip without hurting your sale? Where will a small investment make the biggest difference? Is it better to update, or sell as-is ? That guidance helps you avoid over-improving and under-preparing. Bottom Line If you’re looking to sell this spring, you still have time to make updates that help your home stand out – without taking on a full renovation. If you’re not sure where to start, let’s talk through what makes sense for your house. A quick conversation can help you prioritize the updates that’ll pack the biggest punch. What’s one upgrade you’ve been thinking about – and wondering if it’s worth it?

The #1 Regret Sellers Have When They Don’t Use an Agent

By KCM • February 2, 2026
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Are Big Investors Really Buying Up All the Homes? Here’s the Truth.

By KCM • January 28, 2026
Are Big Investors Really Buying Up All the Homes? Here’s the Truth. It’s hard to scroll online lately without seeing some version of this claim: “Big investors are buying up all the homes.” And honestly, if you’re a homebuyer who’s lost out on a few offers, that idea probably sounds believable. When homes are expensive and competition is tight, it’s easy to assume giant companies are scooping everything up behind the scenes. But here’s the thing: what people assume is happening and what the data actually shows aren’t always the same. Let’s look at what’s really happening with large institutional investors in today’s housing market – because the numbers tell a much different story than the headlines. The Number Most People Won’t See Online Let’s start with the most important stat. According to John Burns Research & Consulting (JBREC), large institutional investors – those that own 100 or more homes – made up just 1.2% of all home purchases in Q3 of 2025 (see graph below): That’s it. Out of every 100 homes sold, only about 1 went to a large institutional investor. And here’s an important point that often gets missed: that level of investor activity is very much in line with historical norms. It’s not unusually high, and it’s actually well below the recent peak of 3.1% back in 2022 – which itself was still a small share of the overall market. So, while it can feel like big investors are everywhere, nationally, they’re a very small part of overall home sales. Why Investor Activity Gets So Much Attention There are two main reasons this topic gets so much attention: Investor activity isn’t spread evenly. Investors are more active in certain markets, which can make competition feel intense for homebuyers in those areas. As Lance Lambert, Co-Founder of ResiClub, explains:“On a national level, “large investors”—those owning at least 100 single-family homes—only own around 1% of total single-family housing stock. That said, in a handful of regional housing markets, institutional and large single-family landlords have a much larger presence. ” Investor is a broad term. Part of what makes the share of purchases bought by investors sound so big is because many headlines lump large Wall Street institutions together with small, local investors (like your neighbor who owns one or two rental homes). But those are very different buyers.In reality, most investors are small, local owners, not massive corporations. And when all investors get grouped together in the headlines as a single stat, it inflates the number and makes it seem like big institutions are dominating the market (even though they’re not). Yes, big investors exist. Yes, they buy homes. But nationally, they’re responsible for a very small share of total purchases – far smaller than most people assume. The bigger challenges around affordability have much more to do with supply, demand, and years of underbuilding than with large institutions competing against everyday buyers. That’s why it’s so important to separate noise from reality, especially if you’re trying to decide if now is the right time to move. Bottom Line If you want to talk through what investor activity actually looks like in our local market, and how it impacts your options (or doesn’t), let’s connect. Sometimes a little context makes all the difference.
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